Up Late Thinking

I may regret this tomorrow but here I am anyways writting away at half past ten at night. That may not seem late to all of you but for missionaries this is an hour and a half past bedtime.  I can say that this is a true statement for me because if I go to bed any later than 9:30 I don't want to get up the next morning for school.  I am told that this is due to all the thoughts that run through your mind all day long.  I know that after language all I can think about is how do I pronounce that or waite I just forgot the new word I just learned.  I also find myself thinking about the culture constantly like "will I ever understand it" or "will I ever grow to love it as my own especially in only five months?" These things are important to me because I see that even though it feels like a different world it is not, it is the same world that I live in.  It is one world just with different divitions.  I know that this part of the world is home for many people; just as I have a place to call home.  I know that when people come to visit my home I would apprecaite it if they tried to make it their home too, even if it was only for a short while. 

I wouldn't consider myself a missionary; at least not yet.  I feel as I have a lot to learn from other missionaries and a lot to grow in. My heart is still full of selfish motives and I was nieve to think that those selfish desires would leave when I got to Madagascar.  No I am not magically transformed into being this humble Godly saint.  But I do feel as if God has me here for a reason and he wants me to go through this cleasing period.  Well actually I think that will never stop but I hope that I will grow continually and my thoughts and actions will be tested constantly.  Thank you for your prayers and thoughts.  I love you all very much.